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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Are you always this stupid? or are you just making special effort today...
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work