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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.