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Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when Iām making a questionable decision for my life.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.