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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
I wish I was important enough for my nudes to get leaked.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown