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Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...