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Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone