Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wonder what "don`t touch" is in Braille.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.