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If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you’re brave enough.
I just awesomed all over the place.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.