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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Chip clips are for quitters.