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You say `pervert with a telescope` ... I say `biological astronomer`.
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
I would have a girlfriend but finding someone who likes to be ignored is hard.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss