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I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
it`s friday o clock
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
My number was 0...
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.