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People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.