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Are nap dates a thing? Because that`s something I can work with...
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
Wow, I just melted a piece of ice by staring at it. Took a little longer than I thought it would.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
We get it poets: things are like other things
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
It´s not that I hate you, it´s just.. well I´ll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I´d drink it.
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.