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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.