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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.
9 year olds have a Blackberry, an iPad, a laptop, & a Facebook… When I was 9, I felt cool with my new markers.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.