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I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.