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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.