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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn`t working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don`t get it.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?