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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
How do nudist clean their glasses?
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?