Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!