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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
See above or below for better statuses.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?