Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
She’s thinking about having beer pong at her reception… that’s walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.