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*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
with great power...comes great electric bill...
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
I just took the "What Kind of Asshole are You?" quiz and got "The kind that posts my results on Facebook".
Dimples are considered a facial muscledeformity in the medical world.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"