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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
I found a spider in my shoe. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
People say that 60 is the new 40. The cop who pulled me over didn`t agree.
Mondays are middle finger approved
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.