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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.