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I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.