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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
I have nothing!
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF