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I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
You say Iām dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.