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What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.