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You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.