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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
My IQ? ... With google or without?
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do