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It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.