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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.