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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."