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When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
I want you to know that whatever problems you`re having, I`m here to read about it on Facebook
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors