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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Found a baby snake in my backyard while mowing. Long story short, I don`t have to mow anymore since my yard is on fire.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.