Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.