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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!