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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
It`s not stalking if you love them!