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Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!