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Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
We get it poets: things are like other things
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.