Daily Silly Status

Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.

Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!

No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.

I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.

Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.

if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.

You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t

This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.

If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.

Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.

I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .

I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.

Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.

I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!

I quit beer every time I wake up hung over