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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...