Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
It´s Friday!! yea! Oh sorry, I was just practicing.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.