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I wish common sense was more common.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
when in Rome get naked ;)
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.