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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.