Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
I hope all your dreams come true, especially that one where you`re being chased by a giant spider.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.