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I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
I bet it’s pretty hard at a mime’s funeral to figure out when the moment of silence is over.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.