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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.