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The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m coming to your house with a facking baseball bat.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Must you really ask why I have my selfie on top of my Christmas tree?
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Don’t jump to confusions.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.