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My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
The songs I like always come on when I’m supposed to be getting out of my car.
People ask me why I don`t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
I never finish anyth...............
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.