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I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"