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You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....