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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.