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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
If someone doesn`t return your texts, relax and remember they`re probably just busy not liking you.
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.