Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver