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Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.