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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.